Andre

Andre doing his thing.

Andre is a 68 year old maintenance man who used to work in a trailer park in northern Ohio. Currently, his whereabouts are kinda known as he occasionally texts or calls me. Additionally, he occasionally shows up to various parties and cook outs.

Andre is known as a "park prince." This slang term, denoting a very helpful person, usually describing an average guy who knows how to fix normal stuff like sinks, toilets, minor electrical problems, and holes in the goddamned drywall. Because of this "park prince" knowledge, people like Andre are granted perks by people who he helps.

Perks

Usually, when some random normal guy fixes your leaky kitchen faucet for free, it is customary to offer that guy a slice of pie, a pan of mac'n'cheese, or some good roasted chicken. This happens very often and is not considered a monetary exchange. It's just friends doing things for each other. Andre is very skilled at helping his neighbors and friends, and has often benefited from the various perks that these people offer him in exchange for his repair services. Sometimes, these perks cross over the line into physical and/or sexual rewards. When this happens, an individual must make some moral choices. Andre has made hundreds of these choices.

Stories

Andre, a Vietnam war veteran, blames his speech impediment on Agent Orange. This speech impediment does not take away from his story telling ability, and in fact, enhances it. Below, you will find two examples of Andre's stories:

The second mp4 file will not upload because mediawiki is shit. here is the file.

2024 Update

Every time I walk in my house now, I’m literally like emotionally paralyzed.

Andre was on the news in early January 2024. Some newscaster thought it would be a good idea to interview Andre over the fact that his park had been sold out from under him. Bitter? You bet! Andre was sore as hell because the company who took over the park wanted to evicit him, but also had hired him to cut grass and do low level maintanence, and even given him free lot rent. This was all contingent on the fact that he was "their man in the park." Then they kicked him out of his home, fired him, and even towed his 2012 Chrylser.

Then he called me...

Selling The Park

A 2019 letter that the Legal Aid Society of Greater Cleveland obtained through a public records request to Cleveland Metroparks shows WRLC CEO Rich Cochran was already discussing the displacement of residents with the property’s previous owner, years before plans were made public

We know that this is going to be a messy, expensive, legally complicated, and time consuming. We will have to endure a public battle, and this all comes at (a) great cost in terms of time, hard costs, and hassle factor. We think there will be approximately 162 people/families who will require relocation.

For residents like Johnson, reading the letter felt like a blow. She said she had a feeling this would happen as soon as the land was purchased. “Our first question as residents was, 'OK, so how long do we have?'" she said. "It was probably one of the very first questions that came out, and they were like, ‘woah, woah, woah — nothing is set in stone.'"

Then Cleveland fucked them.

Reality Sets In

Realty Reimaged, the nonprofit real estate company WRLC has contracted to relocate residents, must contend with the realities of the Greater Cleveland housing market. It is more competitive than a few years ago, especially for affordable housing. Many park residents are working-class or on fixed incomes.

“Rents are higher,” said Sonya Edwards, Realty Imagined’s executive director and principal broker. ”Private property prices are higher and interest rates are higher. All of these things affect affordability, especially when we’re talking about safe, decent and sanitary housing. It’s difficult.”

Summation

While Andre may not be a total badass, he should offer hope to the average man. He does his thing, goes along with life, and manages to succeed despite his past and his age. Also, he doesn't give up, and you shouldn't give up either...there may be a pan of lasagna or a pot of chicken soup in your future.

References

Andre is a part of a series on Manly Shit

SharkBite | Plugging A Tire | Do It Yourself! | Frost Heave | Terramite T5C | Shit, Shower, Shave | A Stick | Analog Water Meter | Testing A Drinking Water System | Husqyvarny | Putting A Tire On A Rim | Repairing A Water Service | A Pocketknife | Valve Snake | Bobcat and Bush Hog | Andre | Mr. Mitchell | DIY - Coffin | ZERK | Installing A Shut Off Valve On A Water Main | Stupid Baby Bunny | Putting In A Curb Stop | What To Do With An Old Mobile Home | Shed Happens | Skid Donuts | The Greatest NFL Team Of All Time | So, Your Hydraulic Pump Died On Your Dump Bed? | Sully | Penis Bone | Jump Start Your Truck With A Cordless Battery | Audrey Elizabeth Hale | Notre Dame | 710 | Green Leaf Volatiles | Perfect | Cyrus Nock | HVAC | Labor Day Weekend | Alone | Cedar | One Tough House | Heat Tape | John Cena | Mother's Day | Sweeping T | PVC Slide Repair Coupling

Andre is a part of a series on People*
* I used toilet paper image because I couldn't find a good graphic for "human garbage"

• Elon Musk • Charles Bukowski • Darwin The Wrestler • BallSac • Gary The Tow Truck Driver • Ron Perlman • Mark Zuckerberg • NPC • Salman Rushdie • Jeff's Sex Doll • Dan • Donics • Thomas Paine • Jim Rome • Gummi • Columbine Anon • Johnny Depp • Wikipedia Editor • Andre • StoneToss • Bloggin.space • DEAFTONEGOES • Shawn's Shed • Kirk Hammett • Sergei Boobtitsky • Certified Plummer • Mr. Mitchell • Grillo • Cliff Is Back • Albert Bourla • Chuck Berry's Breakfast • Justin Wilson • The Vegan Teacher • Steven Crowder • Weishaupt • John The Maintenance Guy • Ye • Pupienus • You • Blanche Dumas • Zoomers • Joe Buck • NEET • Trump • The Legend Of Jeff • Bam Margera • Faye Reagan • Vivek • JFK • Suggs Diggs • Uncle Roger • Matt Petgrave • Robert Earl Hughes • Tom Bosley • Ian Murdock • Penis Man • Warwick Davis • OJ • Taylor LaVey • Ben Garrison •