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Salman Rushdie

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Salman Rushdie is a little brown man who writes thick snobby books while literary pundits attempt to lick his ass in adulation. Most of his work revolves around how shitty life is on the Indian sub-continent and will often contain elements of fantasy or magic, but nobody gives a shit about this because they are too pissed off from trying to read his run on sentences that can go for pages.

The only thing this swarthy, balding runt has ever done of any merit was troll approximately 1 billion people all at once by referring to their exalted profit as "Mahound." The best part of the whole mess is the fact that he was trying to be nice to Islam but they completely missed the point.


Terrists in 1989.
This guy hates Rushdie because he's a dirty old man.
" For a long while I have believed…that in every generation there are a few souls, call them lucky or cursed, who are simply born not belonging, who come into the world semi-detached, if you like, without strong affiliation to family or location or nation or race; that there may even be millions, billions of such souls, as many non-belongers as belongers, perhaps; that, in sum, the phenomenon may be as “natural” a manifestation of human nature as its opposite, but one that has been mostly frustrated, throughout human history, by lack of opportunity. " Rushdie, in a classic run-on sentence, likens himself to some sort of gifted outsider.

Salman Rushdie was born to rich parents in post-World War II Bombay, India. Like all Indians, he prefers that we call his hometown "Mumbai" but since the world has pretty much been ignoring the country since the British moved out, nobody worries about it. Because he doesn't care for Indian people himself, he quickly moved out of the country and headed for England where he could go write his books around people as conceited and arrogant as he aspired to be.

Rushdie, like most of his fellow countrymen is a philandering lech who's enormous appetites have caused him to be married four times. These self-indulgent ways have also caused him to become a huge fatty, but he would probably cite his hours of industrious work on stories, novels, and screenplays as the cause of his corpulence because as we all know, sitting at a word processor morning, noon, and night is such hard work.

When he isn't in hiding, he can usually be found dating women 40 years younger than himself or collecting a pile of meaningless awards which the British, French, Americans, and inexplicably, the Italians trip over each other to give to him. Most of these awards are given to him in huge gala affairs where he can showcase his latest eye candy Indian models and while everybody tries to take pictures of the writer, they also attempt to "miss" the mustaches his girlfriends almost always forget to wax the night before.


" Rushdie is a disaffected intellectual who criticizes or makes fun of nearly everything. One book attacks the Gandhis and modern India; another reviles the leadership in Pakistan; a third takes on American foreign policy; the fourth one blasts fundamentalist Islam and Britain. The assault comes easily... " Rushdie could edit for Encyclopedia Dramatica.

The only thing of note this man has ever done is write the 1988 novel "The Satanic Verses," in which he trolls the whole Islamic religion. Within the text, he refers to Mohammed as "Mahound" which mocks the prophet by basically calling him "my hound." He then goes on to write that Mahound mentions three other deities besides the mighty Allah. The Muslim reaction was quite predictable. Cities were in riot, hair was pulled out, teeth were gnashed, hands were wrung, cars were burned, and local carry-out shops were closed. In 1989, the leader of Iran, Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini, issued a fatwa against Rushdie, ordering all Muslims to kill the fatty on sight.

" In the name of God the Almighty. We belong to God and to Him we shall return. I would like to inform all intrepid Muslims in the world that the author of the book Satanic Verses, which has been compiled, printed, and published in opposition to Islam, the Prophet, and the Qur'an, and those publishers who were aware of its contents, are sentenced to death. I call on all zealous Muslims to execute them quickly, where they find them, so that no one will dare to insult the Islamic sanctity. Whoever is killed on this path will be regarded as a martyr, God-willing. In addition, if anyone has access to the author of the book but does not possess the power to execute him, he should point him out to the people so that he may be punished for his actions. May God's blessing be on you all. " The Ayatollah could edit for Encyclopedia Dramatica too!

While most of the world was busy doing something else, Rushdie went into hiding as he feared for his skin more than he feared for the abuse of his rights. Over the years after the fatwa was issued, several of Rushdie's friends, peers, and publishers were targeted by Muslim extremist attacks and many were injured or killed. Rushdie remained in hiding.

Some retard with a bomb...tries to kill Rushdie but botches the job.

On 3 August 1989, while Mustafa Mahmoud Mazeh was priming a book bomb loaded with RDX explosives in a hotel in Paddington, Central London, the bomb exploded prematurely, taking out two floors of the hotel and killing Mazeh. A previously unknown Lebanese group, the Organization of the Mujahidin of Islam, said he died preparing an attack "on the apostate Rushdie".

The Ayatollah of Rock'n'Rolla got the last laugh by dying.

After the death of the Ayatollah Khomeini, some Iranian leaders suggested that if Rushdie simply apologize for his words, the fatwa would just go away. Rushdie released a backhanded comment that tried to half ass a small apology, but the Muslims saw it for what it was and the fatwa was again repeated in the worldwide press. This time, British Muslims also agreed with the death sentence and several swore that they would carry out the punishment themselves, despite the fact that British law is quite different and very clear concerning public displays of Islamic justice.

Reverse Troll

While all of this was going on, some smart Iranian fucker decided to point out that a fatwa cannot be withdrawn unless it is withdrawn by the original Imam who issued it. Thus, no matter what he does, Rushdie is, and always will be a marked man because Khomeini is dead. So for Rushdie, it is life as usual; he hides someplace in the British Isles, putting all of his friends at risk. He only comes out to either cash his huge royalty checks, appear on Food Network television shows, be knighted by Queen Elizabeth II, or collect yet another silly award for a droning novel about some Indian guy telling you his boring life story. Meanwhile, his trophy ex-wives all live in fear that their next step might be their last because the bald little fucker wrote a naughty story.

Gallery of Rushdie Sluts

For some odd reason, women are attracted to successful writers. Perhaps it is the artistic quality they seem to have? No, it's cash. Below you will find a gallery of women who will sleep with anything for money, and these gold-digging whores who will let Rushdie do just about anything he wants to them.

As of this writing, Rushdie is 74 years old.


There are whole forums dedicated to Rushdie. Most of them will ban you if you start mentioning Islamic dogma, but some will allow the arguments to stretch on for months.

  • there is a clear line between freedom of speech and oral oppression and malicious degradation of the core belief of 1.5 billion people...
  • Iranian leaders are the ones that made islam look fanatical. All those stonings and executions made clear picture of islam. Khomeini was a real criminal, Rushdie just told the truth.
  • The real problem, as I see it, is not with Rushdie or with the Queen, but with 1) Muslim writers who can't write things that would shame Rushdie into silence and 2) Muslim publishers and media who don't care about such Muslim writers.
  • His biggest critics were his peers, such as Roald Dahl who called him "a dangerous opportunist", Germaine Greer who called him "an Englishman with dark skin" and Hugh Trevor-Roper who said "I would not shed a tear if some British Muslims should waylay him in a dark street.
  • Rushdie actually gained most renown for his work Midnight's Children, which is more about with Indian post-independence politics than Islam. In Midnight.., I believe, he does trash many figures - be they religious (mostly Hindu in this case) and political - especially Indira Gandhi whom he likens to a witch.
  • Historical writings can be changed, but the Quran can not. This is an absolute promise Allah (s) commanded in the Quran itself. How so? Everyone single Muslim on earth throughout every generation has memorized chapters and/or even the entire Book cover to cover! If even ONE letter or word or sentence is changed, Muslims somewhere would catch it immediately.

See Also

Burning an effigy of Rushdie.

External Links

Salman Rushdie is a part of a series on Old Stuff

Dan's Devil's Dictionary | Charles Bukowski | Bookz | New York Yankees | G/tv | Kyleville | Ellen's Hickey | Generic Article | A User's Guide to Article Building | Introduction to English | Salman Rushdie | Rainmeter | Sex Panther | A Pocketknife | Thomas Paine | Wook | Three Or Four Weeks | Internet Relevance | Jim Rome | DMV | Public Library | The Copperhead | Monopoly | Around the House | Marcus P. Kellum’s Personal Journal | Solitaire | Internet Explorer | Billy Ripken | Ka-chunk | Clacka-Clacka | Mickey Mantle | Terry Tate Office Linebacker | Berry | 1guy1jar | Babcock Dairy Farm | Goatse.cx | Old Hoss Radbourn | Rufus Owned A Steam Engine | Blanche Dumas | Thundarr The Barbarian | Superfriends | That Time Is Now | Hong Kong Phooey | Fractured Fairy Tales | Little Twelvetoes | Mullet Girl | Hanker For A Hunk O' Cheese | The Chopper | Yuck Mouth | The Angle Of The Dangle | Michelob | Bulova Computron | Vinko Bogataj | Lower Case, Upper Case, and Shift | Speaking in Texican: A Primer

Salman Rushdie is a part of a series on People*
* I used toilet paper image because I couldn't find a good graphic for "human garbage"

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