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New York Yankees

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Steinbrenner is dead

Have faith in the Yankees, my son. -Ernest Hemingway in The Old Man and the Sea

Read 'em and weep. Oh yeah, add one for 2009 too.
Yankees logo.png

Very few entities in any sport, profession, or pastime have been as successful as the New York Yankees. It is because of this that the Yankee are considered by many to be the worst thing about American baseball and the most terrible thing to ever happen to professional sports.

Their constant domination of Major League Baseball for over 100 years has created a lot of anger, envy, and sour feelings. Even though the hatred for the Yankees and the smugness of their fans pre-dates most modern media outlets, displeasure with the Yankees and their fans quickly found a home on the internet, using the technology as a sounding board to discuss their team, often causing seizures and apoplexy amongst the faithful and their foes alike.

Even still, with their unprecedented 27th world championship already won and in the books, new drama occurs almost daily, causing even people who have no liking for baseball to scratch their heads and wonder why people are getting so huffy about the whole deal.


History

Founded in the early 20th century in Baltimore, the club packed up and moved to the Bronx in New York after just two seasons in Maryland. This was not only a shock to local fans, but would also herald the unprecedented practices that persist to this day. Most obvious among these is the club's cherry-picking talent from all over the world and then transplanting it to the Big Apple.

For logistics' sake, the whole section has been collapsed as most readers do not have the capability of reading more than one or two lines at a clip.


Highlander Era

Between 1903 and 1919 nobody cared much about the Yankees. They didn’t win any games and thus weren't considered a fiscal threat to the owners of Major League Baseball. This era in the Yankees' history, often known as the “Highlander Era,” was only highlighted by an inconsequential switch in ownership, and was ended by the procurement of a single baseball player.

Babe Ruth

Babe Ruth versus school. Babe wins.

In 1919 a Red Sox pitcher by the name of George Herman Ruth, Jr. was sold to the Yankees so that the owner of the Red Sox could finance a Broadway musical named “No, No, Nanette” which simultaneously proves two facts concerning the Boston Red Sox: they are really stupid, and they are really gay. (DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK YANKEES COCK.) This trade would prove disastrous for the Red Sox as they would lose an excellent pitcher while the Yankees won a legendary hitter. Ruth would go on to pretty much destroy all the power hitting records kept by baseball statisticians, and lead the Yankees to seven World Series Championships. By comparison, the Red Sox would go 86 years until they finally won another MLB Championship.

Highlights during the Babe Ruth era:

  • Babe Ruth hit a shitpile of homeruns and pretty much made or broke every batting record.
  • Pearl Harbor
  • In a stunning turn of events, Lou Gehrig dies of a disease called “Lou Gehrig’s Disease.”

DiMaggio and Stengel

Where have you gone, Joe DiMaggio? A nation turns its lonely eyes to you.


Later in Babe Ruth’s career with the Yankees, he could be found wandering back and forth in the Yankee’s dugout eating enormous amounts of hotdogs and submarine sandwiches, drinking the free beer that was provided and angrily demanding that he be put in charge of the team. The Yankees owners, happy with their current team manager would not hear of such nonsense, believing that not Ruth, but Ruth’s wife, a screeching harpy of a woman, would really be running the team. They quickly sold Ruth off to the Boston Braves with hardly any word of thanks for their now ex-super-slugger.

With Ruth gone, this ushered in a new era for the Yankees under their manager Joe McCarthy. This era was known as the “Golden Age of Major League Baseball.” It was a brief happy period in both leagues prior to the start of World War II, when many baseball players would be drafted. During this golden age, the Yankees pretty much beat everybody else and became to be known by other teams as “The Evil Empire.”

Towards the end of the war, the Yankees made a few management changes. A coach named Casey Stengel would be put in charge of the team. Also, a gawky-looking youngster by the name of Joe DiMaggio would join the team as an outfielder. When Stengel and DiMaggio combined, they dominated baseball winning five straight World Series titles from 1949 to 1953, further cementing the hatred in the hearts of everybody else in the country.

Highlights during the DiMaggio and Stengel era:

  • DiMaggio hits in 56 consecutive games.
  • Gehrig’s “Luckiest man on the face of the Earth” speech.
  • Ted Williams's season .400 batting average.
  • Ted Williams's slow decent into craziness. It culminated in having his body cryogenically frozen, in case they find a way to cure him in the future. Red Sox fans roll out his frozen corpse and offer human sacrifices to it when they need luck in the playoffs.

The Wisdom of Yogi Berra

Why don't you discover the difference between just smoking...and CAMELS


  • This is like deja vu all over again.
  • You can observe a lot just by watching.
  • He must have made that before he died.| -- Referring to a Steve McQueen movie.
  • I want to thank you for making this day necessary.| -- On Yogi Berra Appreciation Day in St. Louis in 1947.
  • I'd find the fellow who lost it, and, if he was poor, I'd return it.| -- When asked what he would do if he found a million dollars.
  • Think! How the hell are you gonna think and hit at the same time?
  • You've got to be very careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
  • I knew I was going to take the wrong train, so I left early.
  • If you don't know where you are going, you will wind up somewhere else.
  • If you can't imitate him, don't copy him.
  • You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.
  • Baseball is 90% mental -- the other half is physical.
  • It was impossible to get a conversation going; everybody was talking too much.
  • Slump? I ain't in no slump. I just ain't hitting.
  • A nickel isn't worth a dime today.
  • Nobody goes there anymore; it's too crowded.
  • It gets late early out there.| -- Referring to the bad sun conditions in left field at the stadium.
  • Glen Cove.| -- Referring to Glenn Close on a movie review television show.
  • Once, Yogi's wife Carmen asked, Yogi, you are from St. Louis, we live in New Jersey, and you played ball in New York. If you go before I do, where would you like me to have you buried? Yogi replied, Surprise me.
  • Do you mean now? -- When asked for the time.
  • I take a two hour nap, from one o'clock to four.
  • If you come to a fork in the road, take it.
  • You give 100 percent in the first half of the game, and if that isn't enough in the second half you give what's left.
  • 90% of the putts that are short don't go in.
  • I made a wrong mistake.
  • Texas has a lot of electrical votes. -- During an election campaign, after George Bush stated that Texas was important to the election.
  • Thanks, you don't look so hot yourself.| -- After being told he looked cool.
  • I always thought that record would stand until it was broken.
  • Yeah, but we're making great time! -- In reply to Hey Yogi, I think we're lost.
  • If the fans don't come out to the ball park, you can't stop them.
  • Why buy good luggage? You only use it when you travel.
  • It's never happened in the World Series competition, and it still hasn't.
  • How long have you known me, Jack? And you still don't know how to spell my name. -- Upon receiving a check from Jack Buck made out to bearer.
  • 'I'd say he's done more than that. -- When asked if first baseman Don Mattingly had exceeded expectations for the current season.
  • The other teams could make trouble for us if they win.
  • He can run anytime he wants. I'm giving him the red light. -- On the acquisition of fleet Ricky Henderson.
  • I never blame myself when I'm not hitting. I just blame the bat, and if it keeps up, I change bats. After all, if I know it wasn't my fault that I'm not hitting, how can I get mad at myself?
  • It ain't the heat; it's the humility.
  • The towels were so thick there I could hardly close my suitcase.
  • You should always go to other people's funerals; otherwise, they won't come to yours.
  • I didn't really say everything I said.

Mickey Mantle Arrives

During this endless winning, a blonde podunk redneck by the name of Mickey Mantle arrived in New York to play baseball. As DiMaggio’s career was waning, Mantle’s star was rising. Thus, there was no change in the team's total dominance of professional baseball.

1961

The Mickey Mantle days were punctuated by many World Series titles and the home-run race fought between Mantle and Roger Maris, another player acquired from another team. Maris would go on to win the home-run race by slamming 61 home-runs over the fence in an era where there were no such things as steroids, but there were such things as speed, morphine, and horse tranquilizers.

During the 1961 season, the two hitters would combine for 115 homeruns and Mantle himself would break the world records for drunk driving arrests, whisky-fueled barroom brawls, and the number of times a man can cheat on his wife in a payphone kiosk.

CBS

In 1964, figuring they could cash in on the Yankees gravy train, CBS purchased controlling shares of the baseball club and initiated an almost super-human slide in the team’s winning ways. The Yankees would do little more than become a laughing stock for most of the teams that played them while losing CBS a metric fuckton of money. One highlight of CBS’s ownership: the incredibly low number of people that showed up to watch the Yankees play in Yankee stadium. At one such outing a mere 413 fans arrived to watch the Yankees lose to the Chicago White Sox in a 67,000 seat stadium in the nation's biggest city. And get this: even the shitty Mets of that time got more attendance. Sad isn't it? Mantle eventually retired in 1969, the same year which the Mets were miraciously champions of baseball and becoming New York's team, but not for long.

The Bronx Zoo

Steinbrenner fires Martin again.
Bucky fucking Dent.


Some kids dream of joining the circus, other of becoming a major league baseball player. As a member of the New York Yankees, I've gotten to do both. -- Graig Nettles

Because the Yankees sucked so bad during the CBS tenure, a fat Ohioan by the name of George Steinbrenner was able to pick the team up for peanuts. While “Steinbrenner” may sound like a Jewish name, George Steinbrenner is not Jewish…he does micromanage his product to the nth degree, though.

After Steinbrenner bought the ailing Yankees, he transformed aging Yankee Stadium into a gaudy Italian-style wedding cake. Then he began snatching up talent from other teams, just as before, by spending like a drunken sailor with a weekend pass in Bangkok. All his spending might have won him a pennant and a chance to win the World Series title, but all was for naught as he watched his 1976 team being swept by the Cincinnati Reds. The fat man’s rage was legendary.

You got a white mans first name, a Spanish middle name, and a black mans last name. You don't even no what you are.

--Mickey Rivers explaining to Reginald Martinez Jackson why no one likes him.

For 1977, Steinbrenner would add yet another talent from another team in the person of Reggie Jackson. In Reggie, Steinbrenner found a power hitter much like the storied Yankees of yesteryear, but what Steinbrenner could not foresee was the drama, damage, and complete USI that Jackson would also bring to the Yankee clubhouse.

Out of what--a thousand?

--Mickey Rivers on Reggie's claim that he had an IQ of 160

The addition of Jackson would bring two world championships for Steinbrenner and his pack of goons, as they defeated their perennial punching bag foes, the Los Angeles Dodgers, in both 1977 and 1978. Despite alienating pretty much everybody on both his own team and all the other players in baseball, Jackson would carve himself a niche in baseball history by hitting three consecutive home-runs on three consecutive pitches. What isn’t commonly known is that he also hit four consecutive homeruns on four consecutive pitches, they just weren’t in the same game.

I am dead set against free agency. It can ruin baseball.

--George Steinbrenner

It was during this time that people around the world would begin saying the famous lines that still echo in sports today: the Yankees BUY their world championship titles.

Highlights during the Bronx Zoo era:

  • The Mets throw the Yankees out of Shea Stadium.
  • Billy Martin gets punched out in the dugout.
  • Thurman Munson dies in a plane crash
  • Bucky FUCKING Dent.
  • Billy Martin fired for the fifth time.
  • Tommy John surgery is invented.

Donnie Baseball

This retard loves Donnie Baseball.
Jim Rome discusses Rickey Henderson.

Kevin, this is Rickey. Calling on behalf of Rickey. Rickey wants to play baseball. -- Rickey Henderson calling on behalf of Rickey Henderson wants Rickey Henderson to play baseball.

In a stunning turn of events, the Yankees fell apart from 1982 until 1996. This era of deterioration was only marked by the participation of one of the most unlucky but greatest players of all time ever to play baseball in that Don Mattingly never won a World Series (close in 1995 but thwarted by Ken Griffey Jr. and the Mariners). Yankee fans still cry about this one. The crosstown Mets rose up to contention again, and obtained their second World Series title against, fittingly, the Red Sox, thanks to Bill Buckner.

Highlights during the Mattingly era:

  • A Yankee pitcher, Andy Hawkins, throws a no hitter, but the team still manages to lose the game.
  • Rickey Henderson…lol
  • Steve Sax attempts to throw to first base.
  • Steinbrenner screws up and gives Dave Winfield 23 million instead of 16 million.
  • Steinbrenner is banned for life from baseball.

Torre and Jeter

One might balk at putting a second rate manager in charge of a multi-billion dollar line up. People might even consider that an act of a truly insane man, and much of New York thought as much when Steinbrenner hired a washed up Joe Torre and gave him the reigns of the Yankees after the 1994 baseball strike. Dubbed “Clueless Joe” by the New York press, Torre would go on to prove everybody wrong by winning 4 World Series championships for Steinbrenner and make it to the playoffs for an astounding 11 straight seasons.

Torre was backed by many incredible players during his time with the Yankees. Many consider the 1998 club to be the “greatest baseball team ever” and this very well may be true as the only other real contender to the that title is the 1927 Yankees anyways.

Joe Torre’s time with the Yankees would be cut short as he was fired for only making the playoffs 11 times straight in a league where only an eighth of the teams qualify. Steinbrenner could not handle that mediocre level of success.

Meanwhile, on the field, the most hated person ever in sports was playing for the Yankees at the coveted position of shortstop. Derek Jeter has often been called “the second greatest shortstop currently on the Yankees roster” and “The slowest shortstop in the history of baseball.” Players, haters, and almost everybody else also like to chime in with “if he played on the Royals, nobody would know anything about this guy.” Jeter counters his detractors by fingering his five World Series rings while he cries his eyes out on the way to the bank.

https://joshqpublic.com/2009/09/10/hate-derek-jeter/ I hope he gets hit by a bus. I can’t wait for his fall from grace. I’m with Jim Rice. I say Jeter is a bad example. I can’t wait until he shows up on that list. And when I say list, you know what I’m talking about boyeeee. I’m not jealous. I could get a Miss Universe. I could get a Jordana Brewster, Scarlett Johansson, Gabrielle Union or a Jessica Alba. In case you haven’t heard, Tila Tequila loves me. So put that in your pipe and smoke it Mr. Jeter. -- Josh Q. Public’s undying love affair with the Captain.

Highlights during the Joe Torre and Derek Jeter era:

  • David Wells pitches a no hitter while drunk.
  • Gatorade sales worldwide reach 2 billion dollars gross.
  • Andy Pettitte mentions that his best friend, Roger Clemens, might be involved in steroid abuse.
  • Announcement that Roger Clemens involved in steroid abuse.
  • Derek Jeter named Captain.
  • Johnny Damon outted as a Yankee spy.
  • Seinfeld introduces the world to a softer, more gentle George Steinbrenner.

Era of the Chimp

Jesus! 8 relievers on a day before he throws a guy on 3 days rest? Donald Trump doesn’t micro-manage this much! I’m tuning in tonight, not just because I’m a Yankee fan, but because I want to see if Girardi tries to take a guy out mid-pitch! -- From the What Sucks blog.

Despite winning just about everything there is to win in the world of professional baseball, Joe Torre was let go by George Steinbrenner (eventually signed with the Dodgers and ushered the Mannywood era) and replaced by the chimp-like Joe Girardi. While Girardi is a capable coach, winning his first World Series with the Yankees in his second season as the team’s manager, he is reviled by the fans and especially by the New York press. His coaching decisions are discussed and then discussed yet again by Yankee fans who yearn for the more laid back Joe Torre. His strategies are taken apart daily with laser precision by New York rags such as the New York Post who often cop funny headlines such as “Say it ain’t so…Joe” because they think it is funny.

Cast of Characters

geez, people got rid of their youtube videos


Great moments in Yankee history: Part 1
Great moments in Yankee history: Part 2
  • Babe Ruth – only the greatest thing to ever wear pinstripes.
  • Lou Gehrig – second greatest thing to ever wear pinstripes. If he hadn't come down with his own disease, he would have been better than Ruth.
  • Casey Stengel – mastermind and creator of “The Evil Empire.”
  • Billy Martin – the second evilest man to ever put on a pair of spikes.
  • Ted Williams – greatest foe of the Yankees and certified lunatic who never won a World Series.
  • Mickey Mantle – drunk homerun hitting god who broke his leg trying to get out of DiMaggio’s way
  • Roger Maris - A Yankee who managed to troll the Yankees by breaking Ruth's single season home run record only to get cockblocked by Ford Frick.
  • Joe DiMaggio – despite what you have heard, he is a better overall hitter than Ted Williams. Also, he fucked Marilyn Monroe.
  • Fenway Park – oldest stadium still in use by a Major League Baseball team. The only reason to ever visit Boston, and even then only when the Yankees are in town.
  • Ebbets Field - the now gone home of the Brooklyn Dodgers. A place where Dodger pennants went to die. Currently the lot that was Ebbets Field is a Home Depot.
  • Carl Yastrzemski –Boston Red Sox player who despite playing in an ungodly amount of games and being the Red Sox all time RBI leader, never won a World Series.
  • Reggie Jackson – the straw that stirs the drink.
  • Fay Vincent – only man ever to dare to stand in the way of George Steinbrenner. He banned George from Major League Baseball, but that decision was overturned by his successor.
  • Bucky Fucking Dent – slayer of green monsters.
  • Aaron Fucking Boone - slayer of dreams and current manager.
  • Rickey Henderson - slayer of the English language. Also known to react favourably when offered crack over the Yankee dugout as he returns from lazily patrolling the outfield.
  • The Bleacher Creatures - Slayer of opposing teams' outfielders. These demanding fun loving characters strike fear into the hearts of anyone (including under-performing Yankees players) within throwing distance. D cell batteries included.
  • Mickey Rivers - philosophical center fielder known for calling people ugly.
  • Yogi Berra – mythical warrior poet who has (count them) 13 World Series rings.
  • Brooklyn Dodgers – eternal punching bag.
  • David Ortiz – fatty steroid using hired thug.
  • Alex Rodriguez – previously the highest paid baseball player of all time; a dubious nickname and title that has been held by 5 other previous players for the Evil Empire.
  • George Steinbrenner – principal pwner and felon, convicted for his part in Watergate
  • Old Yankee Stadium – home of 26 championships.
  • Dustin Pedroia – star of the upcoming move “The Hobbit” (2011) hes now a washed up benchwarmer who is usually ignored by people who play fmatasty baseball
  • Mariano Rivera – You know what's coming, but you know what's coming in horror movies too. It still gets you.
  • Ford Frick – inventor of the asterisk.
  • Ron Guidry – a large aquatic reptile that can throw a fastball upwards of 100 mph.
  • Whitey Ford – despite singing the blues, owns six World Series rings.
  • Derek Jeter - probably the greatest player in the history of baseball. Also he's fucked your girlfriend. The greatest player of his generation, gets snubbed yearly for the MVP award due to the media's Midwest bias.
  • Manny Machado- the shortstop they wish they had, but instead went to San Diego, becuase he followed the jew money for the biggest free agent contract in history since Alex Rodreuigez.
  • ESPN - A television network, based in Bristol, Connecticut (Red Sox country) that hates everything the Yankees do.
  • YES Network - Since ESPN treated the Yankees like fags, Steinbrenner bought his own TV network for peanuts and turned it into a 3 billion dollar empire...just for promoting the Yankees.
  • Jew aka Captain Ahab or Don Quixote - The man credited with coining the term The Evil Empire when referring to the New York Yankees, this Boston jew has spent his entire life as the GM of the Boston RedSux with a major league hardon for the Yankees who continue to haunt his every dream. Year after year he has tirelessly spent almost as much Jew Gold as the Yankees on mediocre hitters and old meme pitchers in the futile attempt at building a dynasty that can compete with the Pinstripe juggernaut only to see them leave and become Yankees as soon as they can GTFO of Boston. However, the fact that the RedSux have actually been able to get past the Yankees in the playoffs and win a couple of World Series titles in the last few years is less a testament to his supposed 'brilliance' and baseball acumen and moar a testament to baseball's commissioner Bud Selig inventing the wild card in an attempt to prevent the Yankees from winning in perpetuity.
  • The Subway Series - this is an annual thumping given out to crosstown rivals, the hated New York Mets, both on the field, in the stands and on the NYC subway system. Until the advent of inter-league play starting last Thursday, the lumps were usually doled out in exhibition games prior to the regular season as the Mets are in another league. Since the Mets are a forced meme who have only been around since 1960 -and sucked every year except 1986- there has been little chance of developing the kind of post-season rivalry the Yanks enjoyed with their erstwhile punching bags, the Brooklyn Dodgers of Los Angeles. The only time the Yanks and the Mets have met in the World Series was in 2000 and ended in the usual result -Yankee pwnage. However, the lack of meaningful games between the two hasn't stopped the teams' fans from turning this rivalry into something akin to brutal English soccer hooliganism. Since the only thing that stops Americunt sports contests from developing into fan-on-fan violence is the huge distances between major cities stifling hooligan tourism, there is little chance of the kind of drunken revelry seen in the UK and across Europe. But with the Yanks and Mets' fans living, working and commuting together in the cramped confines of the 5 boroughs, there is ample opportunity for good natured beatdowns during and around games at either stadium. However, since all Mets' fans are either Beaner janitors or Yuppie pussies, violence rarely manifests.
  • Perfect games - The ultimate in baseball über-pwnage, the Yankees have 3 perfect games out of a total of 18 in the entire history of baseball. They also have 10 no hitters including one thrown by Andy Hawkins where he managed to lose by 4 runs despite not giving up a hit. The final count for the fatal inning was four runs, no hits and three Yankee errors, all with two men already out.

Success in Baseball

There is no such thing as second place. Either you're first or you're nothing. -- Yankees general manager Gabe Paul

Despite what you may think of George, he is very, very good at his job...owning the Yankees.
The only reason you play professional baseball. Don't let the "purists," writers, or sabermetrics nerds fool you.

When discussing the Yankees victorious ways, the context of how a team is successful must be discussed. The game of baseball is played every year from April until October. Over the course of those months, every team plays 162 games and is roughly on the road during that time for more than 3 months. Baseball is a game where consistency is prized over streaks. Teams that are consistent performers tend to do better, over the long haul, than teams that streak at the beginning or ending of a season. Each team is pretty much guaranteed to win at least a full third of their games, just because of the sheer number of games played. By that same token, they are almost always guaranteed to lose a third of their games as well, so that final one third of games is where the importance comes in. Teams that do well in that final third are usually playoff teams, and one of them will be champions.

Now that you have a bit of context under your belt, think of things this way: the Yankees have won 27 world championships over the last century. That is roughly one championship of their particular sport every four years. This is not just a dynasty, this is a total ownage of the sport and it is also the reason why the Yankees are universally hated by everybody.

How do they do this? Simple, they foster a healthy environment within their own farm system to gather the best young players while massively ripping off every other major star within the league by enticing them away from their current, lower paying team. The game is ruled by money, which to too many fans does not seem “fair” or “right.” But they aren’t the ones who are charged with producing victories so that the team can go on. The Yankees, through massive spending offer a promise to their staff and fans that they will contend within professional baseball every year because the organization is a business that is not measured in MVP players, Cy Young winners, or Golden Glove awards, but is measured in the final victory of the season.

It is not just bad luck that other teams within MLB do not contend every year, the plain fact of the matter is that their owners will not part from the massive amounts of money that the game of baseball makes for them. Some teams, most recently the teams in both MLB central divisions, offer nothing more than a “golden parachute” for their owners and controllers. This attitude, where you grab as much cash as you can and jump out of the plane before it crashes, does little for the game of baseball except embitter fans and alienate younger talent who might have gotten into the game for more than just a quick paycheck.

Great, but where's he gonna play? -- When a reporter told Thurman Munson the Yanks wanted to acquire Johnny Bench

When the Yankees see talent, they swoop in. They know that most teams do not offer the same honor system that rewards talent. They know that most teams do not offer the legendary status that being a Yankee does. And most importantly, players know that when the Yankees come along with an offer, it will be the largest offer that professional baseball will grant them. other teams within the league just do not understand that to win, you have to pay, and while this concept does not work all the time, it works often enough to validate the use of it.

Red Sox Rivalry

ever notice that the 2 socks on a red sock fans hat are positioned to look like 2 letter L’s ? its no accident…double losers..hahaha red sox suck. -- You'll see this on a lot of baseball forums.

Video depicting the rivalry.
Trying to curse the Yankees.
Hogbeast Red Sox fan with a queer Boston tramp stamp.
Shelly Duncan broke this ten year old's heart with this autograph.

Novices to Major League Baseball, the Internet, trolling, and human history assume that the New York Yankees are the chief rivals of the Boston Red Sox. It is because of this assumption that they fail and never fully realize the scope of which normal, everyday, sane people truly loathe that team. As far as rivalries go, it is pretty much the New York Yankees versus just about the whole world. Everybody hates them. This includes the media (both types: old and online), the fans, people who don’t watch baseball, your grandmother, tribe after tribe of African bushmen, and literally everybody ever born.

Nevertheless, there are some bland old Red Sox fans who insist upon trolling the Yankees and the Yankee fans. They often do this by citing:

  • The Yankees were never good until they got a Red Sox on their team. (When was Lou Gehrig on the Red Sox? The Yankees never won a world series until after he was on the team.)
  • The Yankees are all a bunch of steroid users. (Like Big Papi and Manny Ramirez?)
  • The Yankees spend too much money! Their win ratio of dollars to championships is dismal! (The Red Sox are second place in salary and have only won 9 championships. The Yankees have won 27. And Boston is still behind the St. Louis cardinals also who have 11.)
  • Cheering for the Yankees is like cheering for US Steel! (Unless you actually like your team going more than 80 years between championships.)

In the end, there really is no rivalry between the two teams. For a rivalry to actually work, the teams have to actually be locked in a struggle that remains mostly equal. Since the re-emergence of the Red Sox as a baseball power, their fans seem to think that winning two World Series Championships means that the rivalry is renewed, but in reality, for there to be any semblance of parity between the two teams, the Red Sox are going to have to win another 18 championships. For that to happen on the current pace they are on, they wont achieve such parity until some ungodly year like 2478...by which time baseball wont even be around anymore.

Red Sox Yankees Gallery

2009 World Series

The face of the Angels. Watching your season dissolve into yet another "might have been."
With George Steinbrenner pretty much out of the picture, Brian Cashman is the new emperor of the EVIL EMPIRE.

In recent years, interest in baseball has slid a bit due to the fact that nobody really cared about what was going on. Sure, the Red Sox finally managed to put together two teams, at the time, with championship power and finally got rid of the 86 year drought they were in, but other than that, there were very few spikes on the Major League Baseball radar. Something had to be done.

Reasons why Major League Baseball sucked from 2000-2009:

  • National League Central
  • American League Central

Yes, both of these divisions produced World Series Champions, but guess what? Nobody was watching.

Early in 2008, Brian Cashman, utilized the mighty Yankee checkbook and went out and acquired Mark Teixeira, AJ Burnett, and C.C. Sabathia in deals that would bankrupt most third world countries. The media screamed bloody murder and the collective baseball world audibly groaned that this sort of thing would be the death of baseball. These acquisitions would energize the Yankee lineup and arguably became major factors in their 2009 World Series Championship.

Now, with the Yankees back on top, baseball is right again. The obnoxious Yankee fans can wobble their chins and point their fingers skyward while drinking cheap beer down at the local dive. Svelte and smug ESPN prognosticators can shake their heads in shame and repeat such lines as "This is truly what is wrong with professional sports." And pretty much the rest of the world can bawww about the fact that their National League Central team sucks total ass.

Because of this "righting of the world" baseball is alive again! More internet blogs are being set up, more talk columns are furiously being typed at, and more sports betting sites are going crazy asking "is this the start of yet another Yankee dynasty?" Who can tell, but most people who watch this sort of thing are guessing that yes, it will be the start of another dynasty. Not only did the Yankees overpower most of their opposition, they are moving pieces into their lineup currently that will further solidify weak spots that need to be addressed in seasons to come.

Little did they know that ten years from now, all they have from this 2009 deal is a constantly injured CC Sabthia who’s going to retire soon. How to troll everybody when they start badmouthing the Yankees:

Yankee Quotes

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

He'd give you the shirt off his back. Of course, he'd call a press conference to announce it. -- Catfish Hunter on Reggie Jackson

I know, but I had a better year than Hoover.|Ruth's reply when a reporter complained he was making more money than President Herbert Hoover

Just one. Whenever I hit a home run, I make certain I touch all four bases. -- Ruth on if he had any superstitions

So I'm ugly. So what? I never saw anyone hit with his face. -- Yogi Berra

The other teams could make trouble for us if they win. - Yogi Berra as Yankee manager.

There's always some youngster coming up, they'll find somebody... - Joe DiMaggio, when asked who would replace him. "Somebody" was Mickey Mantle.

Every time we make trouble, ol' George flies out here from another part of the country and gets in our way. Maybe we should make a lot of trouble, so he'll keep flying out here. Sooner or later, his plane's gonna crash. - Dock Ellis on George Steinbrenner in spring training, 1978

I know Koufax' weakness. He can't hit. - Whitey Ford on Dodgers ace Sandy Koufax during the 1963 World Series

So many ideas come to you and you want to try them all, but you can't. You're like a mosquito in a nudist colony, you don't know where to start. - Reggie Jackson on being in a hitting slump

As a ballplayer, I would be delighted to do it again. As an individual, I doubt I could possibly go through it again. - Roger Maris on breaking Babe Ruth's single-season home-run record

Honestly, at one time I thought Babe Ruth was a cartoon character. I really did. I mean, I wasn't born until 1961, and I grew up in Indiana. - Don Mattingly

The great thing about baseball is there's a crisis every day. - Yankees general manager Gabe Paul

Good pitching will always stop good hitting and vice-versa. - manager Casey Stengel

The Yankees don't pay me to win every day just two out of three. - Casey Stengel

Son, we'd like to keep you around this season, but we're trying to win the pennant. - Stengel to a Yankee rookie

Ninety percent of the putts that fall short don't go in. - Yogi Berra's theory on golf

If I played in New York, they'd name a candy bar after me. - Reggie Jackson

He's gone from Cy Young to Cy-anara|Graig Nettles

External Links

half this shit dont work no more.

Arod doing what he does best.


Featured article April 4, 2010

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★★★ Hall of Fame ★★★
• Yogi Berra • Jack Chesbro • Earle Combs • Joe DiMaggio • Bill Dickey • Whitey Ford • Lou Gehrig • Lefty Gomez • Joe Gordon • Goose Gossage • Derek Jeter • Waite Hoyt • Reggie Jackson • Tony Lazzeri • Mickey Mantle • Mariano Rivera • Phil Rizzuto • Red Ruffing • Babe Ruth • Miller Huggins • Bob Lemon • Joe McCarthy • Casey Stengel • Joe Torre • Home Run Baker • Wade Boggs • Roger Bresnahan • Frank Chance • Stan Coveleski • Clark Griffith • Burleigh Grimes • Bucky Harris • Rickey Henderson • Catfish Hunter • Randy Johnson • Willie Keeler • Joe McGinnity • John McGraw • Johnny Mize • Mike Mussina (finally!) • Phil Niekro • Herb Pennock • Gaylord Perry • Tim Raines • Branch Rickey • Wilbert Robinson • Iván Rodríguez • Joe Sewell • Enos Slaughter • Lee Smith • Dazzy Vance • Paul Waner • Dave Winfield •

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“Have faith in the Yankees my son. Think of the great DiMaggio.”― Ernest Hemingway