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Sushi

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Revision as of 22:52, 25 July 2022 by Weishaupt (talk | contribs) (Created page with "Call it ''"cat food"'' or call it ''"fish bait,"'' '''Sushi''' is a food that I, and a lot of other people happen to like. Because '''Sushi''' has been around for a very long time, there are a bunch of rules and regulations as to how you are allowed to eat it. If you don't follow these rules in a '''Sushi''' restaurant, you risk offending the '''Sushi''' chef, who will then attack you with a samurai sword. ==The Rules== Normally, I don't like to be told how to do thin...")
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Call it "cat food" or call it "fish bait," Sushi is a food that I, and a lot of other people happen to like. Because Sushi has been around for a very long time, there are a bunch of rules and regulations as to how you are allowed to eat it. If you don't follow these rules in a Sushi restaurant, you risk offending the Sushi chef, who will then attack you with a samurai sword.

The Rules

Normally, I don't like to be told how to do things, especially eating. But I'm not a goddamned animal either. I realize that there are such things as etiquette and table manners and attempt to adhere to such things as the situation requires. I am not going to come to your house and shove my hands into your pot of mashed potatoes.

The rules about sushi can be stupid, but some of them happen to be quite helpful when eating the dish. Also, there is supposed to be some sort of order of operations when consuming sushi. Japanese eaters seem to be concerned with their body temperature, and think that sushi will lower it. For this reason, they provide "refreshments" along with the sushi. These refreshments include: pickled ginger, scrambled eggs, and soup.

Eating With Fingers

It's Japanese fast food, of course it is okay to eat with your hands. For some reason, the official ruling on eating with your hands is that you are only allowed to eat it with 3 fingers. Don't ask why, it's just that way.


As for chopsticks, I have never even tried to eat sushi with them. A recent discussion with a group of my buddies concluded that chopsticks are outdated. Once the fork was invented, chopsticks should have been discarded.

Putting Soy Sauce On Sushi

It is perfectly fine to put soy sauce on sushi, but like tons of other foods, you are not doing it right unless you follow the rules.


Dipping the rice portion of sushi into the soy sauce is the incorrect way of eating sushi and may result in a bunch of Japanese people laughing at you and thinking that you are a fucking pig. Why? Because you cannot exactly control the amount of soy sauce that gets on the piece of sushi. You are always going to get way too much of the stuff on it, angering everybody around you.


The correct way of putting soy sauce on a hunk of sushi is to dip it sideways so that the fish on top gets the sauce. BUT DON'T USE TOO MUCH! Because that will anger everybody too.

If you want to put soy sauce on your rolled sushi, you should use that gross pile of pickled ginger shavings as a brush to put the soy sauce on the bite. Unless you are me. I throw that stuff away as soon as I open the little plastic box the sushi comes in.[1]

Cutting Sushi

Cutting or breaking up sushi into smaller pieces is just about the worst thing you can ever do. Sushi is made to be eaten all at once in one bite so that the diner can enjoy the full experience.

But this also is discriminatory towards people with small mouths. A cruel sushi chef will intentionally make his portions extra large and then laugh at the small mouthed person attempting to eat the oversized sushi.


References

  1. ↑ Truck stop sushi
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mmmmm, Sushi is a part of a series on Food
Click here to open up the recipe book.

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