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Ballsac's Jokes

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If you want to add a joke to this list, use the proper formatting, fucko. I don't want to clean up after your janky ass.


The IRC Stuff

<@FAST> Your honor, if you are what you eat then my client Mr. Dahmer is an innocent young man.

<@Monkt> weishaupt how do you carry $100 billion in laundered cash?
<@Monkt> Ukraine it
<&BallSac> you been hiddin it outta da park lately

<@Monkt> tpuahsiew why did the dildo customer ask BallSac for a refund?
<@Monkt> he gave her a bad vibe

BallSac, i have a new nickname for my wife. i call her "the three wise men." thats because i
just fucked her so hard, she saw stars

<+Murasa> what's worse than being a dead clown?
<+clowns> Murasa: eating the boogars out of a dead clowns nose?
<+Murasa> ew gross

<+greentea> weishaupt:
<+greentea> when was the last time you went dirt shooting
<@weishaupt> when i put a load in your mom


<@Monkt> Erotica weishaupt what did BallSac call his wife after taking her stumpin one time?
<@Monkt> Peg
<@weishaupt> hahahahhaa
<+Erotica> lmao Monkt
<+Erotica> lettuce ban him when he gets back

•Someblackguy• An attractive woman once asked if I was more interested in breasts or legs.
•Someblackguy• I told her that I was mainly into feet and anal.
•Someblackguy• I'm no longer welcome at that KFC restaurant.

<@Monkt> weishaupt you know what BallSac calls getting jerked off by an amputee?
<@Monkt> a stump job
<~Macbot> unless I got a stump to grind

<@Monkt> BallSac what do you call an alligator who trades stocks?
<@Monkt> an investigator

•Erotica• I just found out my older wife was cheating on me ............
•Erotica• Turns out she's not a cougar, she's a cheetah

<BallSac> Can someone explain to me why bleaching your butthole ..........
<BallSac> isn't called changing your ring tone?

<@FED> I walked in on my sister last night masturbating with a carrot
<@FED> Seriously?
<@FED> Fucking hell
<@FED> I was gonna eat that later
<@FED> But now it will just taste like carrots

BallSac dude, if you ever feel powerless, just remember that one...ONE of your pubic hairs can shut down an entire restaurant.


What do you call an escalator that stops working?
What do you call a blender that stops working?
A cup
What do you call a TV that stops working?
A mirror
What do you call a whore that stops working?
Your Mom

CHEVY.... because if i wanted a powerstroke i would have called your mom!

<+Erotica> weishaupt what do you call a penecks drowning?

<+Erotica> greywater

Bateman dance.gif

<BallSac> .tell penecks ----------> What's the difference between your jokes and your penis?

<BallSac> .tell penecks ----------> Nobody laughs at your jokes

<BallSac> •weishaupt• What do you call a transgender whale?

<BallSac> •weishaupt• Maybe Dick

<BallSac> .tell penecks -------------------------> What's the difference between the moon and Uranus?

<BallSac> .tell penecks -------------------------> I don't want to visit the moon tonight. (no homo)

Notice the normie glasses with no personality?
He evolved into his final form only after removing the girl.

<BallSac> .tell penecks -------------------------> Yo mama's so ugly her blowjobs...

<BallSac> .tell penecks -------------------------> count as anal.

<BallSac> .tell weishaupt -------------------> The cost of living has now become so expensive.....

<BallSac> .tell weishaupt -------------------> ....that my wife is having sex with me because she can't afford the batteries.

<BallSac> .tell weishaupt -------------------> What do you call a Coke bottle full of bees?

<BallSac> .tell weishaupt -------------------> A redneck vibrator.

<BallSac> .tell weishaupt -------------------> Why is the area between a woman's chest and legs called a waist?

<BallSac> .tell weishaupt -------------------> Because you could easily fit another set of tits in there!

<@FED> I like my girls like I like my covid

<@FED> 19 and spreads easily

•penecks• My penis may only be two inches…

•penecks• But it smells like a foot!

•penecks• Why do midgets laugh when they run…

•penecks• because the grass tickles their balls

•penecks• Two Russian women are foraging through a previously harvested potato field.

•penecks• One is lucky to find two large spuds. She holds them up and says,

•penecks• “Deez potatoes remind me of my husbands testicles”

•penecks• The other replies,

•penecks• “Oh my, are dey dat big?”

•penecks• “NO, dey are dis dirty”


•penecks• My wife and I have been together for 6 wonderful years.

•penecks• Unfortunately, we've been married for 20.


•fleXXXttt1• My wife came back from golfing with the ladies, looking miserable

•fleXXXttt1• I asked her what was wrong. She said, “I got stung by a mad hornet between the first and second holes!”

•fleXXXttt1• I told her, “your stance is too wide.”

•chicken_nugger• What's the difference between a joke and five dicks?

•chicken_nugger• Your mom can't take a joke.

•penecks• Breaking news: A man was admitted to the hospital with 25 toy horses shoved up his rectum…

•penecks• Doctors described his condition as stable.

Why did the two toilet paper cops jump off the cliff?

They needed to get to the BOTTOM of the case!


Mortal Combat was based on an old Scandinavian song...



maniac: cum cunts make stunned grunts

What kind of bees make milk?



What's the difference between an enzyme and a horemone?

You can't hear a horemone!!!!


Sex is like a burrito...

Don't unwrap or it will be in your lap!!!!


BallSac: Erotica: There are seven planets now...

BallSac: Erotica: Pluto got demoted and I destroyed ur-anus last night.


What happened to the fly that was on the toilet seat?

It got PISSED OFF!!!!


If you take a shit and you call it a "penecks," what does penecks do when she takes a shit?

she takes a donics!!!!


Why did the condom fly across the room?

It got PISSED OFF!!!!


tpuahsiew: i went to a whorehouse i know around here but it was closed

tpuahsiew: sign on the door said "we're closed, beat it!"



Who's there?

"I eat mop"

I eat mop who?

Why you eat your poo???

tpuahsiew: tell Tanoc what does your tofu and your dildo have in common?

tpuahsiew: tell Tanoc both are your meat substitutes, faggot


BallSac: .tell weishaupt ---> What weighs more? A gallon of water or a gallon of butane?

BallSac: .tell weishaupt ---> Water. Butane is a lighter fluid.



weishaupt: i just sold my homing pidgeon on ebay for the 23rd time


BallSac: A husband comes home and says to his wife "I just bought condoms with taste. Let's turn off the light, and then you can guess what flavor it is." So they turned off the lights and...

BallSac: The wife asks: "Is it cheese and tuna flavor?"

weishaupt: ew

BallSac: The Husband says: "Take it easy, let me put it on first"



BallSac: yuck

weishaupt: i wont be telling the wife that one

BallSac: homura, How do you properly milk a flock of sheep?

BallSac: homura, Tell them the election was stolen, then ask for money.


+Murasa: I was thinking the same thing.

homura: cute

BallSac: .tell Erotica ---> Whats the difference between Jam and Marmalade?

BallSac: .tell Erotica ---> You can't marmalade your cock up a girls ass.

BallSac: .tell Tanoc ------> Did you know that pigeons die after having sex ????

BallSac: .tell Tanoc ------> At least mine did when i tried

+Tanoc: that's fucked up BallSac


+Tanoc: what's wrong with you




BallSac: look at the macbot HAHAHAHHAHAHHA

BallSac: he even knows its funni

BallSac: homura, Why don't the rabbits make noise during sex?

BallSac: homura, Because they have fluffy balls.

homura: makes sense

BallSac: Tanoc, I want to tell you about a girl who only eats plants.

BallSac: Tanoc, You've probably never heard of herbivore.

  • tpuahsiew slaps Tanoc

+Tanoc never ping me again freaks

BallSac: When did pinochio discover he was made of wood?

BallSac: He tried jacking off and set himself on fire.



tpuahsiew: Tanoc, did you read that one???

tpuahsiew: it was FUNNY

•weishaupt• Why do French Tanks have a rear-view mirror?

•weishaupt• So they can see the battle.


<@weishaupt> i hope you are adding these

<@weishaupt> BallSac, did you hear that washington considers kamala harris as an outsider?

<@weishaupt> yeah, you cum outsider mouth


<+Erotica> :D

<@BallSac> .tell homura ------------> I was in bed last night with my wife. She turns to me and says "If you turn the lamp off, I'll take it up the arse."

<@BallSac> .tell homura ------------> I should have waited for the bulb to cool down.

<BallSac> .tell penecks -----------------------> My generation had Wonder Woman, your generation has to wonder if it's a Woman!

.tell Erotica --------------> What do you call a hemorrhoid in the middle of your asshole?

.tell Erotica --------------> A log splitter

<@BallSac> •Erotica• People who buy sex dolls...

<@BallSac> •Erotica• ....are fucking dummies.

•weishaupt• I asked my wife if i was the only one she’d ever been with.

•weishaupt• She said yes, the others were all nines and tens.


<@penecks> a man inserts several toy horses into his rectum. he goes to see his doctor. doctor say sir you have stable condition.


<@BallSac> *crickets*

<BallSac> tell weishaupt ------------------> Why was a used tampon on display at the museum?

<BallSac> tell weishaupt ------------------> It was a PERIOD piece

What do you give to your wife after you hit her so hard she has a black eye?

a new iPad

<@weishaupt> .tell BallSac A pedophile and a little boy are walking into a forest together. They keep walking farther and farther, and it keeps getting darker and darker outside. Finally, the little boy says, "I'm really scared!" The pedophile says, "You think YOU'RE scared? I'M the one who has to walk out of here alone!"

The Helen Keller Section


What is Helen Keller's favorite color? - Velcro

Why is all of Helen Keller's face burnt? - She was bobbing for french fries

How did Helen Keller burn the side of her face? - She answered the iron

How did Helen Keller burn the other side of her face? - They called back

Why was Helen Keller's leg wet? - Her dog was blind too

How did Helen Keller burn her fingers? - Reading the waffle iron

What did Helen Keller do when she fell down the well? - She screamed and screamed until her hands turned blue

How come Helen Keller didn't scream when she fell off the cliff? - She was wearing mittens

Why does Helen Keller wear skin-tight pants? - So you can read her lips

Why did Helen Keller's dog commit suicide? - You would too if your name was 'Urghrrghrghr'

Have you heard of the new Helen Keller doll? - Wind it up and it walks into walls

What did Helen Keller's parents do to punish her? - Rearranged the furniture - Left the plunger in the toilet bowl - Put saran wrap on the toilet - Put her in a round room and said there's a penny in the corner - Glued doorknobs to the walls

How do you get Helen Keller to keep a secret? - Break her fingers

How come Helen Keller can't have kids? - Because she's DEAD!

How did Helen Keller break her arm while in the car? - Trying to read a stop sign going 80

What's the name of Helen Keller's favorite book? - Around the Block in 80 Days

What do you call a tennis match between Helen Keller and Stevie Wonder? - Endless love

Did you know that Helen Keller had a dollhouse in the backyard? - Neither did she

How did Helen Keller drive her car? - One hand on the wheel, the other on the road

How did Helen Keller meet her husband? -On a blind date!

How did Helen Keller pierce her ear? - Answering the stapler

How did Helen Keller's teachers punish her for talking in class? - They made her wear mittens

Why didn't Helen Keller change her baby's diaper? - So she could always find him

Why did Helen Keller's dog run away?

You would too if your name was Aierayaughoough


Why does Jesus have no problem getting laid?
Because he's hung like THIS (stick arms straight out)

What's the national anthem of Monaco?
"She'll Be Comin' 'Round the Mountain."

Why did they bury Rock Hudson ass up?
So his friends could stop by for a cold one.

What do you give the pedophile who has everything?
Another parish.

What's the worst thing about eating out your grandmother?
Hitting your head on the lid of the coffin.

How do you make a dead baby float?
Two scoops of ice cream, two scoops of dead baby.

Why was Billie Jean King kicked out of Holland?
She couldn't keep her fingers out the dikes.

Why didn't Natalie Wood shower while on the boat?
She wanted to wash up on shore.

Mommy, may I lick the bowl?
No, dear, flush it like everyone else.

Ballsac's Jokes is a part of a series on IRC
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