Soft Water

Various dictionaries around the web pretty much define Soft Water like the following:

Water containing little or no dissolved salts of calcium or magnesium, especially water containing less than about 85 parts per million of calcium carbonate.

What Soft Water Really Is

Shit.

What Soft Water Feels Like When You Take A Shower

It feels like you are an eel stuck in a jar of Vaseline.

Seriously, now that I live in an area that requires a water softener to keep the home pipes clean of calcium deposits, I have to feed the damn softener with salt every other month and it makes my balls feel like two hairless gerbils fighting over a food pellet in a greasy bag of slippery rubber.

I asked my wife to come and check my balls during a recent shower. She said:

Your balls feel like two hairless gerbils fighting over a food pellet in a greasy bag of slippery rubber.

Sumation

Okay, so where I live now requires a water softener because the water is so full of calcium. You have to use it to keep your home's pipes free of debris. If you don't use a softener, the Hard Water that enters your pipes leaves all sorts of grit and other horseshit.

Why?

Well, that's an easy answer. Indiana's water is supplied by water services that don't pre-treat water. They treat the water after it has been processed through their waste water treatment systems. This is unlike states that have more population, where the state use treatment before and after usage.

What does this mean to the average dipshit?

You gotta buy a water softener and put up with the Soft Water it provides. If you don't, your home's pipes will get this nasty sludge in them that resembles white paste. On top of that, if you don't soften your water, little pieces of that sludge will occaisionally break off and enter into your home's pipes and show up when you least expect... like little minerally greasy boogers.

Have fun boiling pasta with that shit.